hair cut, tidal wave, sex again, poems

11-5
1. i am cuttng my own hair in the bathroom while a girl watches me do it. she's either very quiet and enthralled or very anxious about it. i feel like i've finally discovered 'the answer'

2. a hurricane in my front lawn. a tidal wave comes up from behind my house

8-30

1. a very sexy one in which i am captured and made love to by 2 women and one man...:)

2. jamy is asking me if i've ever listened to Beth Orton and asking later about some poetry i've 'recently' written. 'i only remember writing those poems on the driveway of my parents house' i say, she says 'no they're on my computer, one is called '666' and has a musical introduction. she says the poem makes no sense until i recite it aloud.

drunk driving, bear attack, breast pump

8-19
1. at a huge festival akin to burning man but more cirkusy. about to leave, in the passenger seat of our car. cole is driving and is very drunk but i let him drive anyway. we're in the desert, it doesn't seem like anybody's around, it's daylight, we'll be fine. but a cop goes to pull us over. cole refuses to and continues going 80 miles an hour, dodging cactii and tumbleweed. josh is giggling in the back seat. i am an odd mixture of anxious and resigned. eventually we lose the cop. i'm pregnant and my due date is progressing very fast. (i wonder in this dream whose baby it is....???!)
2. someone casts me in a play. after the news, i go over to a hip house in oly where all of the rest of the cast lives. i'm waiting outside with isaac my cat and my baby. a panda bear is walking down the road and picks up isaac to attack him, but isaac jumps really high to avoid it. -at this point in the dream i have an aerial view- so i'm the sky and i see isaac the cat high above a vicious panda bear- . i attack the bear while isaac's still in the air. the bear passes out, but i know it won't last for long. i go in side and lock the sliding glass door. i pick up the phone (pink) to call 911, one of the housemates is on it, but i explain to them what happened. they let me use it. the operator sounds much too relaxed. i call josh and he says 'oh honey you did such a good job! good job!'
3. i bought a breast pump at grocery outlet and was trying to use it in the store- it was wierd, you inserted tiny knobs that fit into the nipple where milk usually seeps- i expected it to be painful but it wasn't, just wierd.

how soldiers feel

8-16
1. i'm a soldier in a war. (seems like i'm in cambodia) i'm standing on a steep, muddy embankment next to a river. it's hot, muggy, and grey outside. there's just mud everywhere. it's just him and i standing by this slow, massive river. im starting to be hysterical, we're standing about 6 feet apart but i'm yelling at the top of my lungs to speak. a caravan of us soldiers drives by where the river used to be. i'm shouting 'WHAT"S THE POINT!' 'THere's nothing we can do to stop it! pause ' Is war the only fucking way?' i am feeling VERY exasperated, furious, and sure that nothing i do will matter in one bit, that existance...doesn't exist. i lift my gun and shoot at a car in the caravan. i just ding the edge. jessica ritland steps out of the car unharmed. no one in the caravan notices us even though we're in plain sight. he says something like 'yeah this is no fun' later, on our way hime, he says with a lot of enthusiasm that he wants to sail on a sailboat, get a nice house. i can't get the image of the embankment and the fury i felt out of my head. i walk into josh's aunt connie's spilt level house and straight into her arms. she says 'hello, sister' i'm near weeping adn say 'i'm so sorry we have to go through this' and she says 'we're all christians your speaking to' she says 'you just wait till you smell the rosemary chicken i'm cooking, you'll forget all about it'

recent (not in the same night though) acid, WEDDINGS, holocaust, flowers

dream from a week ago: it's about 11:30 at night and i know i have to work tomorrow at about 10 but i decide to eat some acid anyway. i end up feeling really high but not seeing much until about an hour into it, then decide to go to bed and can fall asleep right away, and have wierd dreams (dreams within a dream)

lastnight:
1. i'm travelling north to see austin hund marry a girl on a fire escape. it was a wedding by invitation only, the sky is blank white, austin is giggling and holding a girl up in his arms (over the threshold style) i'm feeling good about the whole thing.

2. i come into a situation where many people i know are congregating. i've recently escaped and start telling them that it's not a lie, the holocaust is happening again in a small town outside of washington dc. i tell them i've escaped from there and remember seeing 3 corpses laying in the corner of a room where we were all kept.

3. wildflowers

josh spy, leon

1. josh is being spied on by a very large agency having to do indirectly with the government. the dream features a few days in the situation. we seem to be in northern europe... perhaps sweden. josh and i are apart while i'm looking at a bookcase in a large history library for the country, or it could have been a high class retail store. a blonde gentleman in a suit is attempting to seduce me, and i think about it, and he starts to kiss me, but i stop kissing him. he leaves without a big todo but i know he is furious. i meet up with josh near the docks. we're still a team. something tips him off that he's being spied on right then and there. my gut feeling is that the man in the suit is the spy.josh opens his wallet to check some high tech spy device and finds my lipgloss in it, the kind i was wearing in the history library. the spy must have planted it there! i realize it's an attempt to distract me and resolve not to let it. josh says 'we have to jump on to the boat now!' we start running and jump the 4 or 5 feet to the boat as the dock becomes more distant.
2. a group of us is coming back from an island in north washington. leon and i get on the ferry. we're trying to be comfortable in uncomfortable chairs. he's telling me about how sex with (one of his exes) was "stupid" but with sean it was better. he went into great detail. i was pretty neutral on it.
(5-7-06)

orgy judge, ex girlfriend house, restaurant, jamy

1. judging on a panel/observing their performance project, which is an orgy.
2. i get there, the floor is wet and covered with little pieces of white and pink paper the size of handbills. we're cleaning up a cluster of bedrooms .the bedrooms were all brought to this place. i'm with all men. but the only one i recognize is Blaine. we're looking through the 'ex girlfriends' rooms, all the bedrooms have belonged to girls who murdered their boyfriend or ex boyfriend. none of the cases seem related except that all their journals and cd books have a lot of cds and logos from a popular movie of the time called 'monster'.the designe is gold leaf shiny behind really fancy lettering. the property seemed like it should be under fbi investigation or something, but instead i was just watching as this guerilla team of guys looked through the journals and memorabilia of these murderers for clues to why they did it and how to prevent it in the future.
3. i go into a really expensive restaurant with someone i barely know. the waitress pours us wine and it's good. it's burgundy. (in waking life i don't think i've ever had burgundy i've liked) i wasn't carded, then i realize they would never card at this establishment because alcohol sales are too lucrative. i had ordered fish with a vegetable but instead there's pork chops cut like vegetables on my plate. the girl i sat with has french fries on top of a bed of chopped spinach. i begin to relax about the price.
4. i'm calling jamy to tell her that mark needs to help me move because it's her fault we can't live in our house anymore and i really don't want to rent a u-haul.
(4-19-06)

two weddings, and sausage links

1. i'm invited to danielle elliot's wedding. it's in the tropics, i have to take an airplane. i arrive in an airconditioned airport with a huge hat store.
2. apartment hunting with josh and justin steffener. we're looking at a place that someone still lives in. it has a table full of junk and a pull out grill top. josh asks if i want a sausage patty or link from the kitchen.
3. jamy's wedding. my bridesmaid dress is beautiful. i tell her i'm so glad she's marrying ben. (even though in waking life they are split up...) my grandma says i look naked without a hat. (4-17-06)

dad dance, missy elliot, arrested

1. in my parent's house. they're telling me all the things they're going to give me on account of their recent move, including a huge brown leather couch with two drawers in the bottom. in the kitchen, my dad and a daughter of his from a previous marriage are ermembering a dance and song that his exwife taught him. he's jumping up and down and singing in chinese with his daughter. later, he adn i go for a walk and are singing a song of our own that i haven't heard since i was little. it sounds gaelic. (i don't know the song, waking)
2. in the recording studio with missy misdemenor elliot
3. getting arrested for having an open container and minor in possesion. telling off the judge and officers saying 'well you'll feel a lot less uptight if you drink some' and to the judge 'i'm a third degree musician' (4-14-06)

funeral

1. dawna and i are at a funeral. we're reading from a book that is significant to our heritage but is not the bible. she's singing songs that are only in print with the lyrics, not the notation. i'm wish that i was taught these songs that are in the book. they're so beautiful.

flood, interactive book

1. going to church with my dad. on the way, there's a flood. we're driving alongside the space needle kind of like we're on the tracks of the train that goes along there. a woman in an orange coat stops and talks to us.
2. cole gives me an interactive book
(3-16_06)

josh baby, blue rooms, youth group

1. i'm going back in time to fix something that happened to josh. i accidentally go way too far, like to when josh is on ly one or two years old. he and his mom are hanging out in a very large castle. it seems like they're visiting relatives. she's just given him a bath so i swing in and pick him up while she's left the room. we're in a hallway, i'm holding him and whispering things into his hear. we're in front of a mirror and everything seems light.
2.i'm ion a group trip or field trip of some sort. in blue rooms, looking for a toilet. they all seem like rehearsal rooms, and there's a lot of toilets, but the field trip group follows me everywhere i go. i follow along one wall until i reach even more smaller blue rooms that seem older, like they were the original building. there's picture frames everywhere.
3.being at a youth group, realizing that they were about to start worship and getting ready to leave. everyone wearing grocery outlet shirts. they start and i feel ok afterall. (3-13-06)

funerals and oral sex

1. I'm riding in a car with strangers and josh. it's a sunny day, in the afternoon. there girl next to me in the back seat starts kissing the girl in the front seat, and things escalate until the whole car is performing oral sex.
2. i'm going to a funeral with my cousin, dawna. it's the same day as the car event, sunshine, afternoon. most people at the funeral are dressed in red silk. dawna and jamy are arguing about religion.