Heath Ledger's Harem Compound

I arrive a little groggy from my flight to California/Australia and a nice Swiss girl welcomes me into the compound. She is smiley in the foyer, but as soon as we're in the hallway, she drops the ruse and I feel that there is something unusual going on here in Heath Ledger's harem-compound. She takes my bags and tells me about where everything is located. We walk to the pool house and she says that one of the girls is only getting paid minimum wage and that Heath is "pretty kooky." There are parrots and monkeys chattering. On our first date, Heath hands me an envelope. I set it next to the ice/wine in the kitchen. I see a bulletin board where there are pictures of girls I've seen walking around the compound. I see a different board with my picture on it. I'm not in the same "league" as the swiss girl, definitely, but that's ok. Heath is kooky. He's 45 now. He's tan. His hair is uncombed. His passions are...unbridled. I start to feel tender about Heath. He seems to feel tender about me. I'm getting paid...much more than minimum wage. I leave for the night feeling alright about it all.