1.mysterious house 2.actor crush 3. anarchists love barack obama

1. The mysterious house at the end of my block. I know they have a pond or a lake in the back. It's the kind of day when I want to go swimming. The much older man who lives there has been trying to become a companion of mine in some sort of way for some time, and I finally begin to be nice to him.

2. At a movie. I think one of the characters is cute. Then realize the actor is right beside me in the seats. I'm not shy, I tell him I thought he was the most attractive person in the film. He's shy. But we work it out. ;)

3. At an anarchist function with Russell Crowe and Barack Obama. Anarchists hugging and swarming Obama. I'm in tears.- followed by a performance by Michelle Obama in which she sings...amazingly- and a short film featuring Jackie O.

slab glyph tone tribe ladder, precisely what i needed

1. amongst the other leaders of the tribes. Upon further examination, I can't recall what tribe exactly I represent, but Carol is there representing hers, tall and athletic men representing theirs, all in all about 40 of us. When we look horizontally around us, we're in his bedroom, (though he's not there and isn't expected to be) but when we look at each other or up, we just see sky and other expansive images. in front of us (on his bed) there is a form that reaches up into the sky- so high we can't exactly see the top.  one of us starts climbing it and as he does, the form - a living tree? a mayan clay slab? pushes out rungs for him to step on. they are rungs that if you concentrate on them for too long, they disappear back into the slab. we are all climbing now, and i'm suprised at how adept i am at it. i am looking at the sky most of the time, not thinking very much about the rungs. but suddenly the ladder starts tipping, most of us are near the bottom but the man who started climbing is now at the top, and the ladder starts tipping backwards with the weight of so many of us on the bottom. it's like hinged at the center to something (it is an opaque slab---it's like climbing an extremely steep mountain and then it tips with unequal balances). everyone regroups. we realize that some of us were having a much harder time with the climbing than the others- they don't know where to climb, they don't see any ascending rungs and cling to the ones they're on. i look at the upper right ledge of the slab and i can make out some glyphs- some i don't recognize at all, but one is the glyph for gemini : II and next to it, i see a symbol for a seed syllable (like those used for chakra toning) but it's for gemini and it goes "ah-eee" and as soon as i start toning it, the paths for all of the people and all of the rungs light up and we can all start ascending the slab. we climb in perfect balance and the slab starts tipping again, but this time top first so that all the people on the bottom are raised to the highest peak of this see-saw and the first people wait on the slab until they've all slid down to the other side. 

2. twenty minutes late for work. it's california though, and sunny, so judy doesn't mind too much. she just chuckles at me! i tried to walk my bike home so i wouldn't have to ride it in, but once i'm walking back to work, i realize it was precisely my bicycle i needed in order to get there !

nov. 25 2008

multitasking mouth, hotwiring, neighborhood meeting

1. standing in the kitchen.  he comes up behind me and slides his arms around my body. he hands me chocolate milk. i start drinking it but he puts his fingers in my mouth, which turns me on, but isn't really helpful to the drinking milk part.

2. i want us to continue our saucy times together and start trying to get us to move in that direction. we are walking on a very sunny sidewalk in a downtown. but he gets totally distracted and starts obsessing over a nineteen seventies converted cop car that he is now hotwiring.

3. a neighborhood meeting in which the council presents a proposal for an evergreen extension campus in the south capitol neighborhood. one man speaks up: " i attended the campus in Seattle and around that area there was a lot of gang violence, so I think that should be taken into consideration." then on the powerpoint screen, a film montage of the dean of evergreen's son (looks like elton john in tommy) in his bowling club with his ornate blue and red bowling pins.

july 18

1. kitten birth/breast milk

gave birth to a kitten

had a whole lot of milk seeping out

thinking about getting something to keep my shirt from getting soaked

sasquatch, cuts off the tip of her finger, players, body tattoo

1. going on a long trip through the wilderness to another 'civilized' land. probably europe, the trees look like it. however, sasquatch lands on top of our car.
2. jamy is taking care of her younger sister. much younger, like three years old. she lives in a crazy, ramshackle apartment. she tells her little sister 'if our mother ever threatens you, you take a big knife and just get her with it, you promise me?' the dream then flashes to her mother torturing the little sister and saying 'what did jamy tell you?' the little sister breaks and then her mother cuts off the very tip of her little finger.
3. oh, we live in wild times. i'm staying with my grandmother at my parent's old house. j lives down the street. there is a warehouse across the street and i have developed an affair with one of the people who live there. they are somewhat mean. i leave the warehouse and go back home to grab something for breakfast before i go to work. there's left over pizza in the refrigerator, so i choose that. j is waiting at the same bus stop i am, i'm suprised. he's also seeing someone at the house across the street. i get pretty jealous.
4. at a big festival. somehow, i get a huge, full body tattoo that begins with a dandelion on my cheek and includes the ace of hearts on my stomach. it isn't that perfect of a tattoo. myrrha gets told she should be a model. another man is talking about us behind our backs. when i see my friends, they give me shit for the tattoo. i lucidly change the decision to get a tattoo and tell them it's body paint, and wipe some off.

kidnapped, marriage of convenience, lavender/wheat

1. i am kidnapped by "old friends," one who was formerly a flamboyant man is now a flamboyant female person who goes by "Ciao." They pick me up near a strip mall, at night in suburbia in their sports car. Ciao and desiree have catty dialogue. They congratulate me on getting married and i realize that they're bringing me to my fiance.
2. I'm hanging out with him and he's telling me that my friend has been trying to sleep with him. I haven't slept with him in years. He says "sometimes a man just doesn't want to have sex with a woman." We are holding hands and he looks maybe about to cry. I "remember" all the little trysts he had with other men. I nod.
3. We are marrying for convienience but no one knows. His family is paying for everything in the wedding. They are dressing me up like their little daughter-in-law doll. I don't mind. I like them despite their bland materialism; they are witty and intelligent. He's so handsome it doesn't even matter that we haven't fallen in love conventionally yet. I feel like it's ok for me to be excited about the dress and the garter and the cake and the lists. we're doing well with each other. We take a shower together in a motel room with the highway in the background going. We are spending a long time looking into each others' eyes, with shower making a strange wet static between us. I wonder if he has mixed feelings about being as aroused as he is.
4. i'm outside bellavender house, picking up bushels of lavender. one bushel from last year is completely bleached by the sun. some of it turns into wheat and the kernels come out of the shaft and tumble to the ground. i wonder if i should be making money through the lavender. Someone I don't recognize calls "honey" from the porch. I wonder if its my fiance.

ipods, boot boats, sweet things

1. something unimportant about ipods
2. jamy and i are in an area that is mostly bayish, a lot like the meditteranian. we're not neccessarily going anywhere. what we are doing is trying on different boats. we don't have to get on any docks, when we decide we want to see another boat, we just materialize inside. we're doing this together but sometimes she'll leave before i do and sometimes i'll leave before she does. i don't remember the first two boats, but the second two boats are shoes, gigantic boots. yes, gigantic boot boats. they're empty inside except for maybe a pillow, a cream coloured one plapped on the middle of an orange shag carpet floor. it's a little bit eery, probably because of the carpetting.
3. a lot of sweet things being offered even though i show up late. people are interrupting the speaker to offer me these sweet things. another telephone. ? .

cruelty, the crossdresser's plight, evanne's dream, arrival

1. oh no! he is cruel to me! i have finished a package, he says it looks terrible. we are all standing around some sort of center for post, alexis even sees it, i attempt to take it in stride, but i am totally destroyed, even with a smile, even with the unspoken pity of those around me!
2. a dream where i observe: a crossdresser whose identity is legitimate and a woman pretending to have the identity of the crossdresser are boarding a greyhound.the bus driver, seeing that the woman looks to be a woman accepts her as the correct choice even though she is the scam artist. the driver kicks the crossdresser off the bus and he is very, very distraught. i go back with him to his place, which is not really his home, his home is elsewhere, in the suburbs, with his wife, but he has a place here in the city where he paints. we go there and he kicks large alluminum forms over. he is a fugitive. he seems comforted by my prescense but i really don't have words for him.
3. i'm dreaming evanne's dream: she's driving with her dad in a sports car, he's going to show her something, a present he's giving her. they are deep in the city. when they get inside, he says 'have at it!' they are half bodies in very crazy unthinkable amazing positions. she slides right in to them and is laughing. she says 'oh this is so great!' one is between two pillars, upsidedown, legs look like an M with the feet pushing against the pillars and the head hanging down beneath...
4. i've arrived, i'm here, i text message evanne. i'm in a place that's simultaneously new york, san francisco, and seattle.

metallic cat, phone sex operator

january 24 2008
i'm traveling in Australia with two men. I suppose I had affection for both, some bond, I’m not sure of the particulars. We were at a festival, a huge crowd, huge palette of color. bright and loud but I was calm. We were about to cross the border of Australia to Central Asia or western Europe. I was quick to be done with the customs area. As I stepped over the border I realized that I was stepping directly into another sky, and with that put a little more oomph in my departure, springing off of the ground excitedly. As my body fell down into the sky, as the ground crested over my vision, I saw that the two men I had been with turned into huge yellow birds. As I fell through the clouds I became aware of the urge to stay upright, and also aware that I needed to just coast with the wings. I was soaring through layer after layer of realities. On one of the many opportunities to stop I decided to soar in to one of the tinier realities. It was a dark jungle lit by Christmas lights, the size of a bed, 3 or 4 feet tall. I was greeted by a metallic cat.
february 4, 2006
i am in a house that isn't mine, maybe i'm house sitting or subletting. there's a lot of clutter and the lighting is alternatley late at night and middle-of-day cloudy afternoon. i have a phone at the foot of the bed that keeps ringing. i sit up in my bed wondering if i should answer. i realize it's not just any phone. it's pink and has a light that flickers with each ring. does this phone have to do with my paycheck? if i answer this phone will i be making any money? someone else is trying to get my attention. it might be my mom. now i really want to answer that phone. i wonder if i have an answering machine. i do. i realize that i've been hiding my job as a phone sex worker from my mom for months now.