1. Grape arbor make out 2. Jon Pon's new career 3. Art as understanding, the artist as a coward

1. He stops over, out of his way just to lay beside me and hold me in his arms for a few hours. My bed is under a grape arbor. Early nineties slow jams are playing as the soundtrack to an animatied movie that gives blue flickers to the otherwise warmly lit room by projecting on the walls. We have to stand up to reach the grapes, bright green big ones. J comes in and says that he’s been lasso-ing them with a metal wire and pulling them down. Then J says to me, pulling me aside “Are you sure you want to be kissing him?” - This is because man who has me in his arms is dating my friend in waking life. I don’t answer. It's just such a warm and loving moment that happens to be rare and stable enough to both confine itself to that single moment and last forever because it is so absolutely loving that it seems very weird to think of "fidelity" as anything but the end of happiness.
2. Jon Pon is married and has been funding his life by panning and digging for gold for the past 7 months. He’s got a baby on the way. I’m watching him get ready for his next big trip and looking at samples he brought and the shiny gold tears in the soft and dry rocky clods. 
3. At C’s art opening: an installation piece with a laser point that randomized briefly and then settled on a fixed point inside a box that no one could see. It made me extremely angry. I was so furious. I started walking to the bar, and he came up beside me and asked me to go for a walk. We went for a drive instead, up a mountain. We got out at a waterfall. I was thinking about chocolate milk in cartons. I was still so mad at him and finally I said “You knew all along about uncertainty. Your piece is all about uncertainty! When you make art like this, I just know you get it, you get that commitment isn't about the end of uncertainty, and it makes me so mad that you couldn’t ‘get’ me!!!” There was a tour guide that was trying to get us into the fold. I wanted to cry, and I also wanted to kiss him. He looked exasperated and sad. I wanted to be comforted, but he had no idea.