how soldiers feel

8-16
1. i'm a soldier in a war. (seems like i'm in cambodia) i'm standing on a steep, muddy embankment next to a river. it's hot, muggy, and grey outside. there's just mud everywhere. it's just him and i standing by this slow, massive river. im starting to be hysterical, we're standing about 6 feet apart but i'm yelling at the top of my lungs to speak. a caravan of us soldiers drives by where the river used to be. i'm shouting 'WHAT"S THE POINT!' 'THere's nothing we can do to stop it! pause ' Is war the only fucking way?' i am feeling VERY exasperated, furious, and sure that nothing i do will matter in one bit, that existance...doesn't exist. i lift my gun and shoot at a car in the caravan. i just ding the edge. jessica ritland steps out of the car unharmed. no one in the caravan notices us even though we're in plain sight. he says something like 'yeah this is no fun' later, on our way hime, he says with a lot of enthusiasm that he wants to sail on a sailboat, get a nice house. i can't get the image of the embankment and the fury i felt out of my head. i walk into josh's aunt connie's spilt level house and straight into her arms. she says 'hello, sister' i'm near weeping adn say 'i'm so sorry we have to go through this' and she says 'we're all christians your speaking to' she says 'you just wait till you smell the rosemary chicken i'm cooking, you'll forget all about it'