1.mysterious house 2.actor crush 3. anarchists love barack obama

1. The mysterious house at the end of my block. I know they have a pond or a lake in the back. It's the kind of day when I want to go swimming. The much older man who lives there has been trying to become a companion of mine in some sort of way for some time, and I finally begin to be nice to him.

2. At a movie. I think one of the characters is cute. Then realize the actor is right beside me in the seats. I'm not shy, I tell him I thought he was the most attractive person in the film. He's shy. But we work it out. ;)

3. At an anarchist function with Russell Crowe and Barack Obama. Anarchists hugging and swarming Obama. I'm in tears.- followed by a performance by Michelle Obama in which she sings...amazingly- and a short film featuring Jackie O.

slab glyph tone tribe ladder, precisely what i needed

1. amongst the other leaders of the tribes. Upon further examination, I can't recall what tribe exactly I represent, but Carol is there representing hers, tall and athletic men representing theirs, all in all about 40 of us. When we look horizontally around us, we're in his bedroom, (though he's not there and isn't expected to be) but when we look at each other or up, we just see sky and other expansive images. in front of us (on his bed) there is a form that reaches up into the sky- so high we can't exactly see the top.  one of us starts climbing it and as he does, the form - a living tree? a mayan clay slab? pushes out rungs for him to step on. they are rungs that if you concentrate on them for too long, they disappear back into the slab. we are all climbing now, and i'm suprised at how adept i am at it. i am looking at the sky most of the time, not thinking very much about the rungs. but suddenly the ladder starts tipping, most of us are near the bottom but the man who started climbing is now at the top, and the ladder starts tipping backwards with the weight of so many of us on the bottom. it's like hinged at the center to something (it is an opaque slab---it's like climbing an extremely steep mountain and then it tips with unequal balances). everyone regroups. we realize that some of us were having a much harder time with the climbing than the others- they don't know where to climb, they don't see any ascending rungs and cling to the ones they're on. i look at the upper right ledge of the slab and i can make out some glyphs- some i don't recognize at all, but one is the glyph for gemini : II and next to it, i see a symbol for a seed syllable (like those used for chakra toning) but it's for gemini and it goes "ah-eee" and as soon as i start toning it, the paths for all of the people and all of the rungs light up and we can all start ascending the slab. we climb in perfect balance and the slab starts tipping again, but this time top first so that all the people on the bottom are raised to the highest peak of this see-saw and the first people wait on the slab until they've all slid down to the other side. 

2. twenty minutes late for work. it's california though, and sunny, so judy doesn't mind too much. she just chuckles at me! i tried to walk my bike home so i wouldn't have to ride it in, but once i'm walking back to work, i realize it was precisely my bicycle i needed in order to get there !

nov. 25 2008

multitasking mouth, hotwiring, neighborhood meeting

1. standing in the kitchen.  he comes up behind me and slides his arms around my body. he hands me chocolate milk. i start drinking it but he puts his fingers in my mouth, which turns me on, but isn't really helpful to the drinking milk part.

2. i want us to continue our saucy times together and start trying to get us to move in that direction. we are walking on a very sunny sidewalk in a downtown. but he gets totally distracted and starts obsessing over a nineteen seventies converted cop car that he is now hotwiring.

3. a neighborhood meeting in which the council presents a proposal for an evergreen extension campus in the south capitol neighborhood. one man speaks up: " i attended the campus in Seattle and around that area there was a lot of gang violence, so I think that should be taken into consideration." then on the powerpoint screen, a film montage of the dean of evergreen's son (looks like elton john in tommy) in his bowling club with his ornate blue and red bowling pins.

july 18

1. kitten birth/breast milk

gave birth to a kitten

had a whole lot of milk seeping out

thinking about getting something to keep my shirt from getting soaked

sasquatch, cuts off the tip of her finger, players, body tattoo

1. going on a long trip through the wilderness to another 'civilized' land. probably europe, the trees look like it. however, sasquatch lands on top of our car.
2. jamy is taking care of her younger sister. much younger, like three years old. she lives in a crazy, ramshackle apartment. she tells her little sister 'if our mother ever threatens you, you take a big knife and just get her with it, you promise me?' the dream then flashes to her mother torturing the little sister and saying 'what did jamy tell you?' the little sister breaks and then her mother cuts off the very tip of her little finger.
3. oh, we live in wild times. i'm staying with my grandmother at my parent's old house. j lives down the street. there is a warehouse across the street and i have developed an affair with one of the people who live there. they are somewhat mean. i leave the warehouse and go back home to grab something for breakfast before i go to work. there's left over pizza in the refrigerator, so i choose that. j is waiting at the same bus stop i am, i'm suprised. he's also seeing someone at the house across the street. i get pretty jealous.
4. at a big festival. somehow, i get a huge, full body tattoo that begins with a dandelion on my cheek and includes the ace of hearts on my stomach. it isn't that perfect of a tattoo. myrrha gets told she should be a model. another man is talking about us behind our backs. when i see my friends, they give me shit for the tattoo. i lucidly change the decision to get a tattoo and tell them it's body paint, and wipe some off.

kidnapped, marriage of convenience, lavender/wheat

1. i am kidnapped by "old friends," one who was formerly a flamboyant man is now a flamboyant female person who goes by "Ciao." They pick me up near a strip mall, at night in suburbia in their sports car. Ciao and desiree have catty dialogue. They congratulate me on getting married and i realize that they're bringing me to my fiance.
2. I'm hanging out with him and he's telling me that my friend has been trying to sleep with him. I haven't slept with him in years. He says "sometimes a man just doesn't want to have sex with a woman." We are holding hands and he looks maybe about to cry. I "remember" all the little trysts he had with other men. I nod.
3. We are marrying for convienience but no one knows. His family is paying for everything in the wedding. They are dressing me up like their little daughter-in-law doll. I don't mind. I like them despite their bland materialism; they are witty and intelligent. He's so handsome it doesn't even matter that we haven't fallen in love conventionally yet. I feel like it's ok for me to be excited about the dress and the garter and the cake and the lists. we're doing well with each other. We take a shower together in a motel room with the highway in the background going. We are spending a long time looking into each others' eyes, with shower making a strange wet static between us. I wonder if he has mixed feelings about being as aroused as he is.
4. i'm outside bellavender house, picking up bushels of lavender. one bushel from last year is completely bleached by the sun. some of it turns into wheat and the kernels come out of the shaft and tumble to the ground. i wonder if i should be making money through the lavender. Someone I don't recognize calls "honey" from the porch. I wonder if its my fiance.

ipods, boot boats, sweet things

1. something unimportant about ipods
2. jamy and i are in an area that is mostly bayish, a lot like the meditteranian. we're not neccessarily going anywhere. what we are doing is trying on different boats. we don't have to get on any docks, when we decide we want to see another boat, we just materialize inside. we're doing this together but sometimes she'll leave before i do and sometimes i'll leave before she does. i don't remember the first two boats, but the second two boats are shoes, gigantic boots. yes, gigantic boot boats. they're empty inside except for maybe a pillow, a cream coloured one plapped on the middle of an orange shag carpet floor. it's a little bit eery, probably because of the carpetting.
3. a lot of sweet things being offered even though i show up late. people are interrupting the speaker to offer me these sweet things. another telephone. ? .

cruelty, the crossdresser's plight, evanne's dream, arrival

1. oh no! he is cruel to me! i have finished a package, he says it looks terrible. we are all standing around some sort of center for post, alexis even sees it, i attempt to take it in stride, but i am totally destroyed, even with a smile, even with the unspoken pity of those around me!
2. a dream where i observe: a crossdresser whose identity is legitimate and a woman pretending to have the identity of the crossdresser are boarding a greyhound.the bus driver, seeing that the woman looks to be a woman accepts her as the correct choice even though she is the scam artist. the driver kicks the crossdresser off the bus and he is very, very distraught. i go back with him to his place, which is not really his home, his home is elsewhere, in the suburbs, with his wife, but he has a place here in the city where he paints. we go there and he kicks large alluminum forms over. he is a fugitive. he seems comforted by my prescense but i really don't have words for him.
3. i'm dreaming evanne's dream: she's driving with her dad in a sports car, he's going to show her something, a present he's giving her. they are deep in the city. when they get inside, he says 'have at it!' they are half bodies in very crazy unthinkable amazing positions. she slides right in to them and is laughing. she says 'oh this is so great!' one is between two pillars, upsidedown, legs look like an M with the feet pushing against the pillars and the head hanging down beneath...
4. i've arrived, i'm here, i text message evanne. i'm in a place that's simultaneously new york, san francisco, and seattle.

metallic cat, phone sex operator

january 24 2008
i'm traveling in Australia with two men. I suppose I had affection for both, some bond, I’m not sure of the particulars. We were at a festival, a huge crowd, huge palette of color. bright and loud but I was calm. We were about to cross the border of Australia to Central Asia or western Europe. I was quick to be done with the customs area. As I stepped over the border I realized that I was stepping directly into another sky, and with that put a little more oomph in my departure, springing off of the ground excitedly. As my body fell down into the sky, as the ground crested over my vision, I saw that the two men I had been with turned into huge yellow birds. As I fell through the clouds I became aware of the urge to stay upright, and also aware that I needed to just coast with the wings. I was soaring through layer after layer of realities. On one of the many opportunities to stop I decided to soar in to one of the tinier realities. It was a dark jungle lit by Christmas lights, the size of a bed, 3 or 4 feet tall. I was greeted by a metallic cat.
february 4, 2006
i am in a house that isn't mine, maybe i'm house sitting or subletting. there's a lot of clutter and the lighting is alternatley late at night and middle-of-day cloudy afternoon. i have a phone at the foot of the bed that keeps ringing. i sit up in my bed wondering if i should answer. i realize it's not just any phone. it's pink and has a light that flickers with each ring. does this phone have to do with my paycheck? if i answer this phone will i be making any money? someone else is trying to get my attention. it might be my mom. now i really want to answer that phone. i wonder if i have an answering machine. i do. i realize that i've been hiding my job as a phone sex worker from my mom for months now.

house party in palestine, cement stash, jon pon

1. in a crowded house party in palestine. i've been here for days and so has the party. i'm on a balcony greeting people (screening people.) there's a high level of flirtation happening with one of the guys who's been at this party, and maybe someone who i used to date. in either case, it makes me proud when victoria shows the film she's taken. it's a music video where i'm one of the actors and happen to look really nice. it looks like something out of the 1930s and i'm in flowing attire in rose petals. also very close to another woman. i remember shooting the film and remember how rewarding and saucy it is.
2. with some rough kids. they take me out of the party. the guy is walking through all of these alleys trying to find his stash, he's so nonchalant. he dips to grab something from inbetween two peices of cement on the wall and keeps walking. we're walking with another man too. we don't see any guards but i kind of feel like we could get shot or caught at any moment for no reason at all. we get to a big huge pile of rubble and hang out there where he has handed me a little popper type thing to take. he starts shooting up. watching him do it, i hesitate.
3. hanging out with jon pon?
dec. 3 07

erin's job, ghost identity, house 8 leggeds

1. erin says the night before 'remember that you're doing camp tomorrow!' i am filling in for her job at the hands on children museum, but tbe shift is occuring in my room. i start getting nervous about whether or not the kids will come accross anything adult in nature, but when they do, we explain it to them clearly and level headedly. they seem nonplussed about subjects like condoms and sex. it turns out i'm not as bad with kids as i thought, they seem to like all the projects i'm doing.
2. camp is over. i'm running from a recurrent ghost- one that 's been in dreams before. the ghost is so terrifying, anytime you think of anything you might need, he leaves it outside the door and knocks on the door. everything comes with a little note, but i never ever read what it says. one of the notes would tell who exactly this ghost was, i just know it, but it's in code, and i'm too scared to really read it. i'm running around like a mad woman. there's a blueberry bush with blueberries that are huge and fat and almost too ripe to pick but i start picking them. i'm with josh and we keep fading from being my mom and dad to being him and i while we're in my grandma's apartment. right before i wake up i realize that the ghost just needs to be thanked for all the hard work its done in its life to serve others so that it can go on. i wake up breathing heavy despite how benevelent the conclusion is!
3. my landlord comes over and i walk him through all the stuff he still hasn't done. kindly. we go underneath the house- but really it's not underneath it's like between the walls. it's cool to be back there. we finally are kind of on the same page about things. he leaves, a bunch of girls ages 11-20 are hanging out with me in this weird spot. like a theatre stage backlit, the girls all at different levels sitting crosslegged or laying on their stomachs like a scene from an after school tv program. from where i'm sitting i can see all the spiders that live here- THERE ARE A LOT! like probably 8 or 9 3 inch spiders dipping in and out of crater like holes in the ceiling. one starts to crawl on my leg and i wince while i'm giving my lecture but one of the younger girls just notifies me and i let it keep going. it was really fast and walks away. on my palm there is a jelly fish eating an octopus. i watch their bodies change from phsychedelic pattern to phsychedelic pattern.

sigh

1. i invite him to a movie. the theatre has odd funhouse workings, with a lot of wierd small plywood enclosed spaces. i encourage him to get into one and kind of try to kiss him. he's miffed. we go back into the theatre and are watching previews for the next movie (is it a double feature?) it's about crazy rave punks in the 80's. the credits roll. i'm trying to get change back into my pocket without making any noise.

river anger, lake box, church music

august 12 07
1. swimming by a river with my dad and two of my friends. a construction crew shows up to blockade one part of the river. it's a very fertile part of the river, there are fish and crawdads everywhere. a construction crew shows up and they don't even warn us, they just start throwing these huge machines into the water. me and my dad are like 'oh shit we better get to the edge, i don't know what these things do, they might even be using dynamite...!' so we get to the edge and then i ask one of the construction workers what they're doing. he says 'well, we gotta make sure no one is trying to use this part of the river as a food source because the fishing company is seeing low revenues this quarter.' i start yelling at him hysterically and pulling my hair out, latching on to him and essentially freaking him the fuck out. 'i need to study this for school though, this is the last place left to study the mating of my species of fish...' liz trails off....
2. it's getting cold but we're still at the lake. we've brought lunch pales for the kids (hot pink) but i've been being ultra boisterous and not cautious and now that everyone's dressed and ready we see the pales out in the middle of the lake past the swimming area rope.
3. i go home and start listening through all of my parents cds. i realize my mom and i have more similar taste in music than i thought. she tells me about her friend in church who is singing on one of the tracks we listen to. her story tells about how they were singing in the choir and my mom's friend someone to join- the friend was somewhat of a hippie er whatever, in grey baggy clothes. (this was the 60's...) and the friend like freaked out in the middle of church, kissed the woman on the lips, with tongue, who brought her, and caused a commotion. the woman turned out to leave the church and my mom hadn't talked to her since.

queen, sugar, visiting

1. Staying over at the Queen's mansion. She is having an estate sale where jewelry and other expensive items are laid out on lighted glass shelving with no covers over them. some riff-raff come in and openly steal some items. me and my big burly friend run after them for a couple blocks and the townspeople and i reduce them to laying on the ground except for the one with the jewels. he gets away.1b. everyone is finally gone and i fill up the Queen's sugar bowl and put it back on her table as she sleeps.2. We go to see my friend finally. She can't leave her house. Her husband and she have separate beds in the same room.

kissing, joseph talk

7-5-07
1a. i move into a house with five women who are rumoured to be generous with physical affection. i've only seen one around town. one day when i'm at home, the one i recognize from town attempts to give me a kiss. but i'm totally taken off guard, i was reading a newspaper or carrying a lot of things at the time. she's very sassy and somehow i have the impression that it was rude of me to not kiss her. (but i do want to kiss her.) the next day i'm in the kitchen again and eating dinner, something like meatloaf, something with meat, savory. she tries to kiss me with my mouth full and i still feel apologetic about it. she just walks away. finally i try to kiss her as we are standing in a doorway, but she dodges it. she acts even MORE sassy and is like 'you snooze you lose.'
1b. so i'm kind of distraught about this, confused and exasperated. i go over to see joseph and tell him about this series of events. he's very empathetic even though all he says is 'oh ariel. ' like he does.
2. we sit on a very high up bed, like a bunk bed or loft in a dim room and we have long talks about whether or not we can kiss.

tropical fish

this dream was dreamt a long time ago but it's so funny ... probably dreamt it in march of 2006.

I'm visiting Hawaii and come accross a For Rent sign on a shady street. I decide to move in. I meet with the girl who's putting the room up for rent. we walk up the stair and stand talking in a blue room with blue floral wallpaper and two twin beds with blue bedspreads. one wall looks like it's made of blue floral curtains. She tells me "well, the owner of this house was an old woman and she has recently passed away. nothing's quite figured out as far as finances, but no one really knew of her to be honest, so there's not really any paperwork to do. the rent is free." we walk towards the curtains and open one up and there's windows leading into another room. "This is the room you'd have." it has 5 sides, shaped kind of like a bay window, with pink walls and gauzy curtains. there are windows looking out all around. it didn't - but should have- smelled like a nail salon. there are also mirrors where there aren't windows and vanity-desks set up all around. there's one double sized bed with orange and pink floral designs. she says 'ok, well, i'm going to let you explore this room. just let me know if you need anything or have any questions.' i kind of walk around, the carpet is salmon colored. it's kind of a wierd room but i'm into it. i kind of stand near the northwest corner of the room, looking at a vanity drawer and then i feel something slip out of me. then i feel more things slip out of me. i look down and small fish, like 2 inches by 1 inch tropical fish are coming out from between my legs. there are a lot of them, they keep coming, steadily. i think 'i have to call the hospital! i have to go to the emergency room!' but then i think 'they aren't going to know what the hell to do with a girl who's got tropical fish coming out of her!' then i think 'why aren't they swimming? or dying? or wiggling or something?' i realize that they're sleeping.

froth, shakespeare does these love things, grandma

7-9-07
1. taking my temperature in the morning like i normally do for fertility charting. it's pretty high, not out of the ordinary though. i go into the bathroom and my womb is excreting froth. (!) like, a lot of froth.
2. i'm in a social situation, maybe in a cabin, it's far away from my house. we're all (probably 10 or 12 of us) mingling, i hit on my crush in a tentative kind of way...at the end of the night he goes home with jamie, i find out that they have been having a torrid love affair for the past few days. it seems to make sense. i'm caught between feeling proud of and happy for jamie and jealous for my crush. i decide to get over it and do.
3. riding in my roommates' boyfriends car on the way home. it's a white sportscar, we're taking back the leftovers, glass pans with tinfoil on top in cardboard boxes. i'm telling him about a dream i had where he and i were dating. he's into it and kind of starts leaning in even closer to me as we talk. i'm excited by the power of the situation but i'm not interested in him at all.
4. my grandma tells me to straighten my sweater.

hair cut, tidal wave, sex again, poems

11-5
1. i am cuttng my own hair in the bathroom while a girl watches me do it. she's either very quiet and enthralled or very anxious about it. i feel like i've finally discovered 'the answer'

2. a hurricane in my front lawn. a tidal wave comes up from behind my house

8-30

1. a very sexy one in which i am captured and made love to by 2 women and one man...:)

2. jamy is asking me if i've ever listened to Beth Orton and asking later about some poetry i've 'recently' written. 'i only remember writing those poems on the driveway of my parents house' i say, she says 'no they're on my computer, one is called '666' and has a musical introduction. she says the poem makes no sense until i recite it aloud.

drunk driving, bear attack, breast pump

8-19
1. at a huge festival akin to burning man but more cirkusy. about to leave, in the passenger seat of our car. cole is driving and is very drunk but i let him drive anyway. we're in the desert, it doesn't seem like anybody's around, it's daylight, we'll be fine. but a cop goes to pull us over. cole refuses to and continues going 80 miles an hour, dodging cactii and tumbleweed. josh is giggling in the back seat. i am an odd mixture of anxious and resigned. eventually we lose the cop. i'm pregnant and my due date is progressing very fast. (i wonder in this dream whose baby it is....???!)
2. someone casts me in a play. after the news, i go over to a hip house in oly where all of the rest of the cast lives. i'm waiting outside with isaac my cat and my baby. a panda bear is walking down the road and picks up isaac to attack him, but isaac jumps really high to avoid it. -at this point in the dream i have an aerial view- so i'm the sky and i see isaac the cat high above a vicious panda bear- . i attack the bear while isaac's still in the air. the bear passes out, but i know it won't last for long. i go in side and lock the sliding glass door. i pick up the phone (pink) to call 911, one of the housemates is on it, but i explain to them what happened. they let me use it. the operator sounds much too relaxed. i call josh and he says 'oh honey you did such a good job! good job!'
3. i bought a breast pump at grocery outlet and was trying to use it in the store- it was wierd, you inserted tiny knobs that fit into the nipple where milk usually seeps- i expected it to be painful but it wasn't, just wierd.

how soldiers feel

8-16
1. i'm a soldier in a war. (seems like i'm in cambodia) i'm standing on a steep, muddy embankment next to a river. it's hot, muggy, and grey outside. there's just mud everywhere. it's just him and i standing by this slow, massive river. im starting to be hysterical, we're standing about 6 feet apart but i'm yelling at the top of my lungs to speak. a caravan of us soldiers drives by where the river used to be. i'm shouting 'WHAT"S THE POINT!' 'THere's nothing we can do to stop it! pause ' Is war the only fucking way?' i am feeling VERY exasperated, furious, and sure that nothing i do will matter in one bit, that existance...doesn't exist. i lift my gun and shoot at a car in the caravan. i just ding the edge. jessica ritland steps out of the car unharmed. no one in the caravan notices us even though we're in plain sight. he says something like 'yeah this is no fun' later, on our way hime, he says with a lot of enthusiasm that he wants to sail on a sailboat, get a nice house. i can't get the image of the embankment and the fury i felt out of my head. i walk into josh's aunt connie's spilt level house and straight into her arms. she says 'hello, sister' i'm near weeping adn say 'i'm so sorry we have to go through this' and she says 'we're all christians your speaking to' she says 'you just wait till you smell the rosemary chicken i'm cooking, you'll forget all about it'