1. album video 2. shopping for dinner 3. guitar counselling 4. nik's keys 5. my sister and crystals

1. i've finished my album and i'm releasing it in my bedroom at my parents' house. i have my old dresser and i've cleared it off (i still need to wipe it down though). i know that bg at work is proud of me for displaying my stuff as i am. in the dresser mirror there's a music video that goes with one of the songs. as it's playing i notice that the production got really intense- it's good but totally different! like tons of electric guitars and a really heavy textural feel. in the video i'm wearing dark lipstick and lip-syncing the words and they almost all match perfectly which is so satisfying- until the end when they are pretty off.

2. shoppping at the store with leon. i'm having a hard time picking things that he wants to eat- then i realize that we're at a normal grocery store and not a natural foods market, so duh, nothing in there is very appealling. in our cart, i see that he's already made dinner (like SO much dinner, huge piles on plates!) He starts to seduce me even though he was about to go meet someone else. 

3. i go over to their house to learn. mostly about how to do a rock solo on a guitar. i'm standing at the front door and the lesson just begins there. it's the suburbs and a portly redheaded man is teaching me how to do this. i show him that i already know how to stretch my fingers across the fretboard to make a 9th. and he's relieved that i can do that already. but when i'm listening to the chord, it sounds just like a D maj chord ...

When we go inside the house, we end  up talking about his marriage though. His living room is huge and has a vaulted cieling. the couches are SO far apart from each other, there is a huge rectangle of space in the center! when he asks me questions about how to better his marriage i tell him he has to do a lot more listening. 

4. i'm visiting nik and we go to a grocery store. when we get back to his place he says 'i haven't actually been here in days. and i haven't actually cooked in weeks.' he had been over at his girlfriends' house constantly and she always did the cooking which he usually didn't mind but it was starting to be harder for him to not have his own independent time sometimes. he pointed to his house keys on the table and said "i haven't even touched these since last week."

night before last:

i was with a woman who i was strongly bonded to, i knew she had just had a pregnancy that didn't work out. i knew the stone for her: apophylite.

*out of dream little facts: yesterday my sister called me who i haven't heard from in months who's been trying to have a baby and struggling, like the woman in the dream. when we talked on the phone, it became clear to me for the first time that it was my sisters who basically raised me from when i was born until i was 5 years old, not my mom. I never really thought about how our relationship as sisters was really more mother-daughter. I got curious about "apophylite" looked it up.  I own a piece of apophylite: it's a big crystal leaning down to a tiny, tiny crystal, as if it is a picture of nurturance. I was able to understand my early relationship to my sister in a whole new way, visually. Fun*  

the bike ride that leads to an amazing blue green eyed magnet

1. summertime and one of those long aimless bike rides that take you much further away from home than you thought you'd gone. the sun is starting to fade- or at least the day is no longer a fresh new baby...i'm realizing that i'm somewhere near renton (!) so i decide to throw my bike on a bus. when i get off the bus, it seems i've gone to far and now i'm near portland, oregon. i stop in at a book store and laurel is there with me and says to check out the back of the willamette weekly for the number for the "little red cab".

as i'm at the book store i notice two hip but sloppy looking hard-rollers outside. when i'm calling the cab i notice one of them answer. we make eye contact while on the phone and then i go out and see that they're the ones who operate the little red cab. it has bullet marks through the back windshield i notice as i look behind us.

we drive for a short time but then end up at their house. Laurel and i check their computer for more bus schedules and decide to skip out on cab fare (they barely drove us anywhere and fell asleep during the job...) and i write a note in pencil that says simply "sorry about fare. i think you're adorable."

busses don't get us far. laurel is replaced by james on and off. i'm thinking about hitch hiking as i approach a strange parking lot...and lo, another little red cab. this one has like 4 people in it already, but they say they'll take two more.  

the driver, he has a mouth on him, a devils advocate type. I also am incredibly bold in this dream.  He is not so subtly hitting on me. He's got perfect olive skin. and eventually he tells his friend to drive when we're at the next stop. We're sitting next to each other now. it seems like we've been in this cab for 3 days. His touch is so gentle and sensitive, and we are magnets for each other. you know when you touch someone and their whole body seems to reverberate from it---or you reverberate from it...

i have my arms around him and we're so at the brink, so love-bubbling-under, lust icing, and it's spontaneous as well as committed when he says 'you know you're my girl.' (Waking LOL)

We don't sit next to each other the next time we get in the cab. he's driving again and i say something about a bill board we pass. he says 'you always comment - almost without exception- on any advertising that shows a beautiful woman. what's going on? you have nothing to be jealous about so what is it?' i talk about unattainable beauty standards and so on, leading to a conversation on some feminisms. This conversation gets cut off by more and more people getting in the cab. people the other four know. so now we have like 8 people in this cab- it's a station wagon. someone talking to the new rider they know as a friend is like "Polly, get in the back seat!"  She makes a pouty face and then smiles. They are candy ravers and are the most colorful specimens i'd seen the whole trip.

My cab driving man is teasing me, we haven't eased any tensions, we are not a reliable combination but a highly combustible one. he says "but i bet you wouldn't be caught dead sixty-nining me, baby," under his breath as we are standing next the car at a stop. Gawd, he's so sexy. (ANOTHER WAKING LOL) when he looks away out onto the road i notice his amazing blue green eyes slightly squinted. i want that magnetic touch and I'm going to get it. 

1. breaking and entering 2. filming with the former dom 3. segway into the timeless country

1.   Another house at the end of the cul de sac. I am with people I respect deeply, but they are all my peers. We don't knock. I don't know who lives there, but it is a house that seems to be like crafted by an artisan who does a major amount of welding. He comes home right as Liz and I are trying to leave. We're caught and he cares, but it's not a big deal. We talk about how beautiful his home is. He's a lot like God if God didn't laugh very much.

2.  I wasn't a likely choice for the film, but they've given me a spot anyway on film project with a traveling cabaret that is doing some more-like sex work video thing. I'm nervous because although she was beautiful, at first I wasn't exactly attracted to the woman who I was supposed to do my scene with, but then right as we touched it became a much more emotionally charged connection. I felt like I had been dosed and was feeling like being a very magnanimous top. She asked that I be a little softer when I swatted her and i did, but i couldn't tell if i got i completely right. Our roles were rather unusual, i think she was very used to being dominant in sex or life in general. I started to lift her up and we were in a funny balancing-act kind of position to which she replied "we can have really adorable sex!"

3. I moved to the south side of olympia again- i think with the man who welds. there's only one bus that goes out directly that way and i saw it leaving from the station when i was downtown but i was determined to catch it from the road. i was running for a long while. the cityscape started shifting around me and under my feet into bright green grass and new asphalt and then as i rounded a corner i found myself in a totally rural place with a barely paved road. i looked around, the sky cloudy. the bus stop was right in front of a building with worn off paint, a humble structure. i mean, it looked sound, but rustic. i was remembering waiting at the bus stop countless times, feeling completely comfortable there.( actually this bus stop is in my dream style of the 'timeless country' ) the bus didn't seem to be coming but i wasn't even really considering the bus anymore. (once i get to the timeless country/city all my objectives change) I felt like i had officially entered the journey i was really supposed to be engaged with.