1. album video 2. shopping for dinner 3. guitar counselling 4. nik's keys 5. my sister and crystals

1. i've finished my album and i'm releasing it in my bedroom at my parents' house. i have my old dresser and i've cleared it off (i still need to wipe it down though). i know that bg at work is proud of me for displaying my stuff as i am. in the dresser mirror there's a music video that goes with one of the songs. as it's playing i notice that the production got really intense- it's good but totally different! like tons of electric guitars and a really heavy textural feel. in the video i'm wearing dark lipstick and lip-syncing the words and they almost all match perfectly which is so satisfying- until the end when they are pretty off.

2. shoppping at the store with leon. i'm having a hard time picking things that he wants to eat- then i realize that we're at a normal grocery store and not a natural foods market, so duh, nothing in there is very appealling. in our cart, i see that he's already made dinner (like SO much dinner, huge piles on plates!) He starts to seduce me even though he was about to go meet someone else. 

3. i go over to their house to learn. mostly about how to do a rock solo on a guitar. i'm standing at the front door and the lesson just begins there. it's the suburbs and a portly redheaded man is teaching me how to do this. i show him that i already know how to stretch my fingers across the fretboard to make a 9th. and he's relieved that i can do that already. but when i'm listening to the chord, it sounds just like a D maj chord ...

When we go inside the house, we end  up talking about his marriage though. His living room is huge and has a vaulted cieling. the couches are SO far apart from each other, there is a huge rectangle of space in the center! when he asks me questions about how to better his marriage i tell him he has to do a lot more listening. 

4. i'm visiting nik and we go to a grocery store. when we get back to his place he says 'i haven't actually been here in days. and i haven't actually cooked in weeks.' he had been over at his girlfriends' house constantly and she always did the cooking which he usually didn't mind but it was starting to be harder for him to not have his own independent time sometimes. he pointed to his house keys on the table and said "i haven't even touched these since last week."

night before last:

i was with a woman who i was strongly bonded to, i knew she had just had a pregnancy that didn't work out. i knew the stone for her: apophylite.

*out of dream little facts: yesterday my sister called me who i haven't heard from in months who's been trying to have a baby and struggling, like the woman in the dream. when we talked on the phone, it became clear to me for the first time that it was my sisters who basically raised me from when i was born until i was 5 years old, not my mom. I never really thought about how our relationship as sisters was really more mother-daughter. I got curious about "apophylite" looked it up.  I own a piece of apophylite: it's a big crystal leaning down to a tiny, tiny crystal, as if it is a picture of nurturance. I was able to understand my early relationship to my sister in a whole new way, visually. Fun*